Woody Allen Quotes – Woody Allen – Date of Birth: December 1, 1935 Born as Allen Stewart Konigsberg in Brooklyn, New York, this multi-talented actor, director, writer, and musician began his career as a comedian and playwright. He was a television gag writer before writing and starring in his first feature film, What’s New, Pussycat? Take the Money and Run marked Allen’s directorial debut in a hilarious parody of crime films and documentaries.
Allen’s films are characterized by their neurotic, urban-Jewish shtick and can be dated by the female lead—who is generally his current lover of choice. Past femmes include Louise Lasser, Diane Keaton and Mia Farrow.
Reclusive and anti-Hollywood, Allen’s critical moment in the spotlight was not for his work as a filmmaker, but for his affair with Farrow’s (college-age) adopted daughter, Soon-Yi Previn.
In 1992, Allen filed for custody of their three children and later made shocking headlines when Farrow accused him of molesting their adopted daughter Dylan. While experts found no evidence to substantiate these allegations, Allen’s reputation had already been trashed in the tabloids.
After a lengthy and very public court battle, Allen lost custody of the three children. He married Soon-Yi in December 1997 and the two now have two children together. “If you’re an entertainer,” Allen says, “your private life is public, that’s what happens.
Over the years, I’ve got used to that. Sometimes they write wonderful things, sometimes they write what a fool you are. That’s part of what it is to be in the public eye.”
Over the years, Allen has won an astounding number of awards, including three Academy Awards and two Golden Globes. His most recent Golden Globe was for his Midnight in Paris screenplay. He’s also received two Academy Award nominations for Best Original Screenplay and Best Director for his work on the film.
Allen followed up Midnight in Paris with To Rome With Love (2012), which follows the intersecting stories of both foreigners and Italians in Rome. I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer. Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television. The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it. Is sex dirty?
Only when it’s being done right. Sex is better than talk. Ask anybody. Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex. Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there. I believe there is something out there watching us.
Unfortunately, it’s the government. I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. I’m astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. I’m very proud of my gold pocket watch.
My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch. When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100. My brain? That’s my second favorite organ.
Woody Allen Quotes
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
Don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone you love.
The only thing standing between me and greatness is me.
Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak.
If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse. All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.
There are worse things in life than death – Woody Allen Quotes
Someone once asked me if my dream was to live on in the hearts of my people, and I said I would like to live on in my apartment.
This year I’m a star, but what will I be next year? A black hole?
In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
Having sex is like bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
To you I’m an atheist; to God, I’m the Loyal Opposition.
Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declared you legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.
Human beings are divided into mind and body.
The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations, like poetry and philosophy, but the body has all the fun.
Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it. Most of the time I don’t have much fun.
The rest of the time I don’t have any fun at all. I had a terrible education.
I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing; among 5 it’s fantastic.
When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
The last woman I was in was the Statue of Liberty.
Well done is better than well said – Benjamin Franklin
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